She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
