i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
