Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
