My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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