Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wear drunk well.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
