I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
