i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
