We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
