I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize