no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
