sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
