I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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