apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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