thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
