Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
