I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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