"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
