I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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