If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
