I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
