Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
