Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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