..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
