6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
