Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
