If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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