I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
