All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
