He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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