I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
