My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
