What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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