don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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