at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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