I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
