tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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