I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
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