omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
