so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize