i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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