My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
