At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize