On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
