Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
