shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
