I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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