he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
