Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
