Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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