It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
