All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
