So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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