dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
