I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
