turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
