he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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