Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
