hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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