I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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