another moral hangover. fuck.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
