I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
COCAINE IS GR8
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
