remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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