were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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