Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
