And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
