Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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