You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
