I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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