I feel like I'm in dance class right now
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
