Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
