So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
