you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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