He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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