I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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