And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
