I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
