you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
