I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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