I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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