I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
