ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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