it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
