Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
