Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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