Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
