You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
