She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
