We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize