Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
