Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
These tits shall not be calmed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
