what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
