Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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