I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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