at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
