The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
